Friday, 25 March 2011

Real Time

We had our 3D ultrasound yesterday, and I must say that I am so glad I made the decision to go. I was terribly afraid that I was going to see a less than perfect baby, so I was feeling a little nervous in the days leading up to it. I also had this predetermined image in my head of what I think his lesion is going to look like (call me crazy) based on previous ultrasounds and was scared to see it in 3D. I had this horrible fear that his lesion would suddenly be ginormous, and I was not prepared to see that. Brandon, being calm, cool and collected as always told me I was being silly and needed to relax. I still do not understand how he remains so unfazed by everything; he's such a  rock :)
So Brandon, Denise and I piled in my car for the trip. I had requested that they not show me the spine yet. Brandon was ready for it, he wanted to see it, I was still not ready. It's a weird thing...I can look through all these blogs of other families and kids, and look at all the surgery pictures and befores and afters, yet I was terrified to see that of my own baby. I'm not in denial of the spina bifida, I feel quite prepared and very at peace with it, so I'm really unsure of why I am still so scared of such a little part of who he is. I assume it is just fear of the unknown and I imagine everything will change once Gage is here.
anyways, I'm rambling. LOL... We had the ultrasound and it was amazing. It was unbelievable to see Gage in REAL time. We got to examine every little feature and watch his little fingers and toes move (yes, I have a video of his toes moving; another exciting moment). We got to see him yawn, and squint and hide his little face with his hands. As we all predicted, he has so many of Brandon's features, but was blessed with my big squishy cheeks we think. He was perfect. He was unflawed. There was nothing "less than perfect" about him.
I was even ready to see his spine because I soon realized he was just like every other baby. However, Gage was sitting on his lesion as always, and absolutely refused to move. Because of the shadow he was making we were unable to see it; I didn't mind.
Putting a face to baby Gage has made this much more real. Only 11 and a half weeks left... The first chapter in this journey is quickly approaching its ending.. YIKES!!

Here he is. Our precious Gage. Much more than perfect <3


1 comment:

  1. Hi Shayna (and Brandon)
    I completely remember how you feel!
    And that feeling that you have, that everything is working out, that Gage is so much more than perfect. That all those fears don't matter when you see his face - it only gets better once he's born!